


what is left after a star burns out?

by nahofficial



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Additional Tags To Be Added As Story Progresses, F/F, F/M, Modern AU, i just didnt feel like writing the sex scenes in and of themselves, rates m for heavy sex undertones, sometimes you just gotta slut it up to ignore your problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-03-05 16:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nahofficial/pseuds/nahofficial
Summary: There was a reason she had never slept with any of her friends before, and this was it. Of course she'd break her only rule in the most egregious fashion.Of course she'd fuck her best friend.In which Soleil sleeps around to distract herself from herself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> huge shoutout to american football american football for being the best music album to listen to while writing this.  
> also, many many thanks to all my friends for putting up with me as i made them read the same fucking thing over & over with slight changes. to befriend a writer is a hell all on its own.

Soleil lay back in the unfamiliar bed, a contented smile on her sweaty face. To her left, Ophelia lay looking at her, smiling as well with rosy cheeks. Fairy lights made her look positively angelic. She pulled Ophelia closer and gave her forehead a peck. Ophelia rested her head on Soleil's bare chest, still high on the afterglow. To Soleil, that glow was already starting to fade. Trailing her fingers through Ophelia's hair, she looked up at the ceiling, mentally tracing constellations into all the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck up there. Looking back down to Ophelia, she noted how nicely the cream sheets of her bed and the warm yellow glow of the fairy lights complimented her golden hair. Everything about her was cute and soft. She didn't deserve to be dragged into her mess. Why did she bring Ophelia into this?

"Ophelia?" Soleil asked, eyes moving back to the ceiling of her friend's room. Again they traced the faux constellations. Her legs felt sticky. She felt guilt flow through her veins.

"Mm?" Ophelia hummed in response, eyes closed. She rubbed her cheek against Soleil's chest, placing a kiss on the space between her breasts. Her calmness seemed to ebb away some of Soleil's worry.

"Was it good?" She rested her hand on the small of Ophelia's back, and pressed her against her body.

Ophelia giggled, and nuzzled her chest again. "Do you even have to ask? I got to sleep with you. It was a dream come true!"

Ophelia stretched her arms out, and wrapped them around Soleil's waist. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes, a picturesque portrait of bliss. Soleil rested her hand on Ophelia's head. She couldn't help but smile. She reached her left hand up and scratched her nose. A familiar, unique scent came from her fingers and graced her senses. It reminded her of what she had just done with Ophelia.

As her actions finally set in, her mind started to buzz. She had never meant to drag any of her friends in on her problems. When she slept around, she did it only with people she knew she could move on from. But now, her relationship with Ophelia wouldn't ever be the same. Her worry ebbed right back in. Would things be awkward between them? Would they stop talking? Would Ophelia avoid her? Would she look away when they passed by each other in the hallways?

 No, what Soleil was afraid of was that that would be how she would treat Ophelia now.

 "... You're not going to regret this later, right?" She no longer felt fuzzy and warm. She felt the sweat stagnate on her back. Her hand left Ophelia's head and began patting around on the bed, searching for her shirt.

 "Of course not, you silly thing," Ophelia murmured, placing another kiss on her chest. A huge pang of guilt shot through her like lightning. Finding her shirt, she moved Ophelia off of her and sat up, pulling it on over her head. Suddenly alone, Ophelia looked up at her, eyebrows knitted. Her expression posed the question "where are you going?"

 "I need to pee," she offered as an explanation to ease the confusion on Ophelia's face. Her features softened once more into serene afterglow.

 "Remember where the bathroom is?" Ophelia asked as Soleil picked up her underwear and jeans from the carpet, pulling them on respectively.

 "Second door on the right down the hall, yeah?" She picked up her bra and folded it, tucking it under her arm. Ophelia nodded, then pulled the covers up to her chin and gave her a huge smile. Another pang of guilt sent straight to the heart. Another pang of fear and regret. Why did Soleil drag her into this?

 The darkened hallway was colder than Ophelia's room. The carpet was soft under her feet, and the walls were lined with pictures of Ophelia's family. A smiling toddler riding on the shoulders of her father in the forest, her hands gripping his hair. A young girl and her mother lying on the floor across from each other, working on a coloring book page, surrounded by crayons of every shape, color and size. Those happy expressions furthered Soleil's feelings of distress. Her family was not as well put together. Soleil came to a halt as she noticed a very familiar picture on the wall of two eight-year-olds dressed up in matching superhero costumes for a Halloween long ago. Even through the mask, anyone would be able to recognize Ophelia with the twinkle in her eye. Soleil could only hope that she would be able to once again give a genuine smile like the pink haired girl next to her.

 She let out a sigh and continued walking, opening up the door to the bathroom. She splashed cold water on her face, and then locked eyes with her reflection. She felt miserable. She shouldn't have brought Ophelia into her mess. She'd been sleeping around, but not with anyone she was close friends with. She loved the sex, but dreaded what came afterwards. Her head felt dizzy. Her vision blurred. She rested her head on the cool metal of the faucet. She imagined Ophelia, confused in her bedroom as to where she went. She imagined the warm glow of the lights and the fluffiness of her pillows and banged her head against the faucet in frustration with herself.  She didn't deserve to go back into that warm bed. She didn't deserve to be held in Ophelia's arms. She was only going to hurt her in her confusion.

 She felt like an alien in Ophelia's household. It was all too… Normal. It was easy. It was supportive and safe. Ophelia wouldn't hide when she heard the garage door open. Ophelia wouldn't pretend to sleep when there was yelling downstairs. Did she love Ophelia, or did she just love Ophelia's life?

 A knock on the door took her from her introspection. When she looked up, she noticed she had been crying.

 "Soleil?" Came Ophelia's sweet voice from the other side of the door. "Is something wrong? It's been twenty minutes."

 Shit. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and opened the door. "Sorry 'phelia, my head started hurting. I think I should go home for once."

 "Oh…" She looked crestfallen. That hurt Soleil more than any of her own thoughts. It broke through the alienation she had instilled within herself. Instinctively, she wrapped her friend in her arms.

 "Hey, wipe that frown from your face--it's not like I'm going off to war!" Soleil gave her a smile. Ophelia pulled herself from the hug.

 "You're right. I just," Ophelia kicked at the bath mat. "I dunno. It's stupid. I wanted you to sleep over. My parents aren't home, and it was my first time, and I just… I thought it would be nice to fall asleep next to you is all."

"Ophelia…"

 She moved her eyes from the floor to Soleil's. "But don't stay just because of me! Your head hurts, you should go home. Just... promise me something."

 "Of course, Ophelia." Soleil took her hands in her own.

 "Promise me this won't just be another one of your one night stands." She leaned in and gave Soleil a kiss on the lips. Panic set in. Soleil's eyes grew wide. She broke away. Haze filled her vision, and she felt like she was watching herself through a television screen.

"S-Sorry…" She stammered. Ophelia didn't respond, only dropped her gaze to the ground, arms limp at her sides. Soleil hurried back to Ophelia's room and grabbed her things. The pictures on the walls felt like they were judging her as she moved back, looking at her through cheery depictions of family life that she had never experienced and saying "why have you hurt our daughter so? What gave you the right?"

\----

 Soleil sat in her idling car silently, head resting on the steering wheel. She was in her own driveway. She felt like she had swallowed rocks. There was a reason she had never slept with any of her friends before, and this was it. Of course she'd break her only rule in the most egregious fashion.

 Of course she'd fuck her best friend.

 She banged her head against the steering wheel. _Way to go, Soleil! Couldn't've fucked Sophie instead! Couldn't've just hit up Shigure again! You just_ had _to go and bang your closest friend ever since you were a goddamn embryo!_

 She banged her head against the steering wheel. _And now you ruined her first time! That was her first sexual experience and you went in and fucking eviscerated the hell out of it!_

 She banged her head against the steering wheel. _She wanted to cuddle with you! She wanted to wake up next to you! You could've stayed! You should've stayed! You stupid fucking idiot!_

 She banged her head against the steering wheel thrice. At this point there were tears. _You stupid fucking idiot._

 Keeping her head resting against the steering wheel, she turned the radio on. She hated to cry in silence. Static filled the car. Formless, meaningless white noise. It entered her mind, encompassed her body. She sobbed, gripping the wheel as if it would tether her down. Her body shook with her tears. She felt disgusted with herself. She didn't want to look in a mirror ever again.

 "I hate myself," she told the radio's noise. Her voice cracked. She started to cry again, this time louder. She turned the volume up on the radio, trying to drown out her own sobs. After a while, the tears stopped coming, and then she simply sat in darkness as the radio screamed with the sound of white noise. Ophelia's face came to her in her mind, smiling from the bed, then heartbroken as she stared at the ground. Would she ever forgive her?

 Ophelia had told her once the reason there was white noise was due to the Big Bang. She said that the echoes of that huge explosion still reverberated throughout all of existence. That was two years ago, after Ophelia had accidentally turned on the radio in Soleil's car, and the sound of static blasted out of the speakers, making both of them scream in surprise. They were on their way to the movies. Sitting behind the theater as dusk fell, holding melting ice cream cones in their hands, they shared their first kiss. Ophelia had never asked why it was the first thing that came on the radio. Soleil never told her.

 Ophelia had told her once that every human was made of stardust. Every single thing on this earth was made out of the same materials as the heavens above. They were coming home from a field trip in 8th grade. They were sharing a bench on the bus. That was the first time they held hands. Soleil wanted to tell her then that she could've told Ophelia that. She could've told her that humans were made of stars. She would've said "of course we're made of stars, Ophelia! Look at you, you shine so brightly! You sparkle just like the stars in the sky!"

 Now, sitting in her car instead of lying next to Ophelia, Soleil felt that she was a waste of stardust.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies if theres formatting issues. rich text whatnot is weird on here and im a writer not a programmer or w/e. I Just Want There To Be Indents On My Paragraphs Is All Is That Too Much To Ask For.  
> been a hot minute but i havent forgotten abt this, dont worry.

"You  sure you don't want anything to drink?" Shigure asked, pulling his shirt on back over his head. The digital clock on his desk read 02:31. The only light in the room came from his bedside lamp.

"No, it's okay," Soleil responded. She was sitting on Shigure's bed in a state of semi-undress. "Sorry again that I woke you up."

"Oh, no worries at all Soleil," Shigure said in sing-song tune. "No worries at all. Be right back."

Shigure left the room, headed for the kitchen. Soleil stared blankly at the wall. She felt even worse now. She should have just gone to her room and gone to sleep instead of calling Shigure relentlessly and begging for a quick fuck. She should have, but she didn't. She couldn't. She knew herself, knew she wouldn't've been able to sleep in that house tonight. She would ask Shigure if she could sleep over when he returned. She knew he would say yes, knew he would probably offer as soon as he got back in the room, but she still felt she should ask.

Her eyes traced her shadow, cast by the lamp. She thought of Ophelia. Was she asleep now? Soleil hoped she was because she dreaded the alternative, and the thought that she would have been the one to have caused her sleepless night dragged her heart down further. She picked up her phone from the bedside table only to put it back down. She couldn't call her, it wouldn't be right.

Shigure walked back into the room with two bottles of water. He set them down on the bedside table and sat down next to Soleil. After taking a long sip of water, he handed the bottle to her and lay back down in the bed as she drank from it as well.

Before Ophelia, Shigure was technically her only exception to the "no friends" rule. She had met him at a house party, thought he was cute. Did the usual song and dance. Little flirt here, little inching closer there. An upturned glance, a giggle, an "accidental" press of her breast into his arm as she led him to the thing that she allegedly wanted to show him. They wound up in the backyard in a treehouse, watching the stars and making jokes about astrology. They fucked. Next thing she knew, she was having breakfast with him the following morning and he was just as interesting to her when she was more sober and less horny as he was when she was more horny and less sober.

"Want to spend the night?" He asked, handing her the cap to the water bottle.

"Please," she responded and set the water bottle down on the bedside table, on top of her phone.

"So," he said, eyes fixated on the ceiling. "Tell me what's up. Why did you want to come over at this unnatural hour of the night?"

"I don't…" Soleil took a long, shaky breath. "I don't think I want to talk about it right now, is that okay? All you have to know is, I freaked out on Ophelia and I think… I think she's going to hate me forever now."

"Oh, Soleil," Shigure purred, and pulled her down to hold her. "She's not going to hate you. She couldn't."

Soleil shook her head into his chest. "You don't get it Shigure, you don't…"  
  
"Well, that's why I asked for you to explain it," he smiled and placed a hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair. "So I could get it. It's okay though, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"I don't want to talk right now."   
  
"You don't have to. What would you like?" His fingers grazed lazily through her hair, smoothing it out.

"... Round two?"

Shigure laughed. "I can't do that."

"Yeah, I know. I just… need a distraction."

"I know you do, that's why I can't do round two."

"But you could do a round one?" Soleil pulled away from his chest, moving her head to the pillow next to his. "Pretty shitty."

"Yeah, well you _did_ get me up—in both senses of the word—at two in the morning," Shigure shrugged. "You use me for sex, why can't I use you?"

"Maybe we're just both selfish."

"Maybe indeed." Shigure leaned over her and turned off the lamp. Darkness settled upon the room. Soleil heard Shigure settle back down and yawn, her eyes not yet adjusted. The sheets she lay in were more familiar than Ophelia's, more comforting. The bed she lay in was more familiar than Ophelia's. She knew how it creaked and knew where to move so that it wouldn't—or would, if that was more the mood. She had experience in this room. She'd cried in here, laughed in here. Even though she didn't love Shigure—well, she did, but not in a romantic way—he was still very important to her. Oh no, did she fuck up her relationship with Shigure too?

"Shigure?"

"Hm?"

"I didn't mean it when I called you shitty." Why was it so much easier for her to speak in the dark?

"I know." His voice was gentle, sleepy. The first time that Soleil slept over, she remembered how he got no rest at all. He was nervous. She was the first girl who had ever spent the night with him, even though they had been friends long before there even were benefits, the initial hookup notwithstanding. His mother was strange: no girl friends allowed to sleep over, but girlfriends were allowed to sleep over. Did she still think that her and Shigure were an item?

Were they an item?

"... Are we an item?" She asked.

"Only to my mother," he responded with a laugh. "And you're too emotionally compromised right now for me to accept a confession of love."

"I never said I wanted to date you," she said. "I still want Ophelia, even though I fucked it all up. Oh god, I fucked it all up."

"What did you do?"

"She wanted me to spend the night…"

"And you didn't? So?"

"I had sex with her, Shigure. And then left. Her first time was me fucking her, melting down on her, and then leaving. That's so fucked. I'm so fucked."

"... Ah," Shigure said.

"Am I a trainwreck? I'm such a trainwreck."

"No, you're not a trainwreck, you're a teenager who has a lot of feelings and a lot of love in her heart."

"That just sounds like a trainwreck to me."

"Trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck trainwreck."  
  
"Okay, now it doesn't even sound like a word anymore." Soleil knew he was just trying to make her feel better.

"Good. So now that trainwreck isn't a word anymore, we can redefine it," Shigure responded. "I say its new definition is 'not Soleil.'"

"I say its new definition _is_ Soleil," she said in rebuttal.

"Overturned."

"You mean overruled?"  
  
"I mean both."

Soleil laughed. Shigure reached out and stroked her face.

"There we go," he said. "I know that making you laugh is just a bandaid to the larger issues, but I want you to be bandaided up for now. Let's talk more in the morning, over coffee?"

"Yeah, we can do that."

"Can we get some sleep for now?"

"We can do that too."

There was still a sinking hole in Soleil's gut, but she tried to ignore it, at least for now. Her eyes, now adjusted to the dark, traced the outline of Shigure's form in front of her. She reached her arm out and wrapped herself around him. For now, she would pretend everything is alright. Only for now.

On the bedside table behind her, her phone screen silently lit up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 2019!  
> much thanks once more to all of my friends that i torment by having them constantly read my stuff. theyre the Real heroes.

* * *

###  Ophelia Today at 03:41:

Soleil, look. I'm really upset. I'm hurt. I'm lying here in my bed, and I haven't been able to get to sleep. You just kinda left me here and I don't know what to do. There's no information I can go off of. I know you didn't have a headache. Was I bad? Do you regret me? Am I ugly?

If you're still awake, can you please talk to me?

Hello?

I miss you.

Soleil?

It hurts. 

###  Ophelia Today at 04:03:

I'm going to bed now, goodnight.

###  Soleil Today at 10:21:

oh no

ophelia im so sorry

you werent bad

youre not ugly

i didnt mean to hurt you i just

i dont know

i panicked and i just left and i didnt even think about you at all its so shitty

im so sorry

did i fuck everything up?

do you hate me?

oh god

###  Ophelia Today at 11:42:

no, you didn't fuck anything up.

well, you made me sad.

i just wished that you were more clear to me.

that you communicated to me better.

we've been friends since we were babies.

i just thought that you had trust in me.

that's all.

it hurt.

but you leaving me didn't hurt as much as you not telling me why you left.

(i still wish you spent the night, though. :c i was lonely and sad and you made me type in all proper capitalization and stuff.)

###  Soleil Today at 11:46:

im so sorry ophelia   
i just, i dunno   
i got scared

its stupid

###  Ophelia Today at 11:46:

do you trust me?

###  Soleil Today at 11:46:

of course!!!!

###  Ophelia Today at 11:47:

then why didn't you just say you were panicking???

i could've helped,

###  Soleil Today at 11:47:

i dont know

im so stupid

are we still good?

###  Ophelia Today at 11:47:

i don't know.

###  Soleil Today at 11:47:

?

###  Ophelia Today at 11:48:

let's talk about it all later, alright?

in person.

with nobody else.

okay?

###  Soleil Today at 11:49:

okay.

* * *

 

The wooden cuckoo clock that Shigure's mother picked up on a business trip sounded twelve cuckoos from down the hallway. Soleil sat on the counter, feet dangling, eyes gazing impatiently into her coffee as she waited for Shigure to read her conversation with Ophelia. She thought to herself about how she hadn't been home in a week. She was wearing all Shigure's clothing, her outfit—which was actually all Ophelia's clothing save the bra—was currently going through the process of getting spun about in his washing machine a floor beneath them. If she listened closely enough, she could make out the vague hum and jostle of the machine as it moved about. She could feel that her forehead was going to be breaking out soon, and even though there wasn't yet visible dark circles under her eyes, they certainly were invisible.

"Hm," Shigure said, setting her phone down on the counter beside her. The toaster sat, gently ticking, by the sink.

"Hm?" Soleil asked. Her mind was chasm, her stomach was boulders and pressure.

"She's definitely more upset than she's letting herself out to be there."

"Yeah, I know. Usually we just talk about everything through text…"

"This is different to her, though. You know it, I know it," Shigure said. He picked up his mug. "It's different because this time, it's not about  _ your _ homelife, or  _ your _ parents, or  _ your _ feelings. This time, it's about  _ her _ emotions too."

"Yeah, but it's her emotions caused by me. It's still my fault."

"On this instance, yes. But this is like, the first time she's been hurt. Ever. I'm concerned that she's going to lash out at you when the two of you meet up."

"Shigure, I don't understand why you're attacking her. Are you trying to make me hate her? I couldn't…" She set down her coffee mug.

"I'm not attacking her, I'm—"

"You  _ are _ attacking her! 'She's never been hurt before,' 'it's about  _ her _ emotions this time so now she's angry and wants to talk in person,'" she let out a sigh. "Look, I'm in the wrong, Shigure. I bailed on her. Left her after I fucked her. I think she thinks that I used her. And rightly so!" Soleil stood up and picked up her phone in her hand. She began to pace, not stepping in the sunlight that beamed rectangles onto the kitchen's floor. "I mean, look at what I did. I fucked her over is what I did. Are you attacking her just because you know me more than her?"

"You're right, I didn't even realize—wait, let me clarify—you're not right about fucking her over, you had a panic attack. You weren't thinking properly, and add on top of that all the shit you've gone through this past week. Hell, this past month. This past year. I'm attacking her, you're right, but I think that's just because I think she's being inconsiderate of you. She  _ knows _ what you've been through, what you're going through. I think she  _ should _ be able to understand."

"She  _ does, _ Shigure. But what I did was still a terrible start to her sex life."

"And was yours any better?" 

"Don't."

"Sorry, that was way out of line," Shigure touched her shoulder. "So sorry, I don't think I'm being any help this morning."

"Shigure, no offense, but you're being such a man right now," Soleil set her hand on his. "I appreciate where you're coming from, but I'm still so fucking emotionally compromised. I don't want to have to console you for being bad at consoling me right now."

The toaster dinged, two slices of toast popped up. The two of them jolted, startled by the sudden noise. Shigure chuckled as he went over to retrieve his toasted bread. Soleil sat down on one of the stools by the counter.

"You're right, Soleil. Sorry about that. What are you going to do?"

"It's okay. I know what I  _ should _ do. I  _ should _ go and meet with her somewhere and have a long intricate talk with her about communication and intent and sex and relationships, but…" She rested her head on the countertop. It was cold and it comforted her like a toilet seat would after throwing up.

"But?" 

"I don't know, I feel nervous even thinking about her right now. It's not mature at all, but I think I don't want to see her for a bit…"

"That's such a bad idea~" he sang to her as he buttered his food. The butter knife went krsh krsh against the toast.

"I knoooow," she groaned, stretching her arms out before her and then folding and resting her head on them. "I know. I should just suck it up and talk to her, huh?"

"Well, what about this: there's that party tonight that Sophie is hosting. Why don't we go to that, and if you find Ophelia there you two can sit down and have a talk? If not, then just go and have a good time. Set it out of your mind for an evening. Drink a little, party a little. Y'know, be a teenager for once, yeah?" He took a bite out of the toast, chewed, and then swallowed. "And then the next morning, if you didn't talk to Ophelia then, then you go and talk with her. That way there's just a little bit of time for thoughts to develop."

"I… Suppose I could do that, maybe. I don't know if that'll help," Soleil sighed again, this time harder. "Shigure, thanks for looking out for me. I know I'm a mess."

"Only a little bit messy, don't worry," Shigure went over to her and placed a hand on her head. "Hey, listen. I know you think I'm biased toward you, but I think it's balancing out your bias against yourself. Your self-defeatist attitude is harming your perceptions. I know you fucked up last night, but I think that this destruction was coming for a long time—you know this too, of course: that's why you're being so self-defeatist. But—and this is a huge but here—I think you need to step out from yourself and your situation for a bit. Y'know, let the problems air out like clothes on a clothesline. Step away from yourself, drink a little—or a lottle—and just, exist for one night as Soleil the fun girl who wants to put a smile on everyone's face and will wax lyrical about anything soft or pretty instead of Soleil the girl who is going through a mental state burnout. Yeah?"

There was a pause in conversation as Soleil thought. She squeezed her eyes tight. Was he right? Should she just forget it all again? Did any of this really matter in the long run? Outside, cars rolled by on the street. In the cities, sidewalks held people, all of them not knowing nor caring who she was. Downstairs, the washing machine hummed gently as it spun her clothes around. She let out a long groan. Now was not the time to get existential. She rubbed her eyes into her arm.

"Okay, I like that conceptually, but I don't really know if the move is to completely ignore all my problems. Nothing will get done if I avoid myself, and I should know because that's what I've been doing," She lifted her head up off the counter and swivelled around in her stool. "Avoiding myself is what led to this moment right here. Avoiding myself was what made me sleep around. It was what led to me hooking up with you so often. It was what led to me being labeled as the school's slut. It was what let to me fucking this over with Ophelia. If I didn't avoid myself and actually would approach the root of these issues that I don't want to even  _ think _ about right now, I would be in so much better condition. But it hurts, Shigure. It hurts.

"So your suggestion is like the devil once more opening his maw to me, speaking sultry words. Your suggestion is the whispers back to the bed from the adulteree to the adulterer. Your suggestion is the lotus to I, a lotus-eater. And I know I shouldn't do it, but I want to, Shigure, I want to so badly."

"Then how about this for a compromise: I'll come with you and keep you in check. Okay?" Shigure offered with a smile, but the smile faded. "I dunno, I just worry about you Soleil. I want to see you smile again. That's just selfish of me, I know, but that's what I want. So, come with me to the party?"

Soleil thought for a long time. Something inside her ebbed at her to stay away from the party, to go back to her house. To shower and to sleep and to spend some time with herself, but doing so would mean having to face the boulder in her stomach and the spiders in her heart. But she wasn't ready to do that. Before she knew what she was saying, she was agreeing with him. There was a party to go to tonight, and she was ready to emerge from the ashes of her mental burnout a sexual phoenix. One last night, one last hurrah, one final party of drinking and flirting and then it would be time to get help. One last night. Her mental health has waited long enough, she figured. It could handle one more day, right?


End file.
